I am incredibly grateful that I seem to have a little more than enough employment at the moment to keep myself from sliding into debt. However, the crisis government has created through their exploitation of the pandemic to further their “woke” agenda has left me wondering if the despair, horror, and anxiety I experience daily is akin to how civilians felt day to day during the bulk of the second world war. After the British secretly started bombing civilian targets in Germany, the not so secret bombings of London and other British cities communicated to the civilian populations of the world that governments cared so much about their soldiers they were willing to allow the families of the soldiers to die so long as it took some of the heat of them. Right now, civilians are dying for the cause. The cause being lining the pockets of Big Pharma executives and the pockets of politicians who never let a good crisis go to waste to expand their bank balance. Like civilians in German and British cities I don’t know if today is going to be the day that some thought policeman is going to decide I’ve had a little too much to think and puts me down to sleep in order to preserve the social harmony that is totalitarian governance.
And yet, while boldly driving my van outside the zone I’m supposed to be limited to, I found myself singing. Now, it’s entirely possible with my double exemptions I am allowed to travel a little further for the nice cheap petrol that saves me $20 a week, but like so many things these days, I have no clue what is allowed and not allowed. Hell, I don’t even know if it’s a crime to drive without a mask on. I don’t think the police know either. I can imagine them getting into the patrol car each morning and turning to their partner and asking, “Just making sure… are simple cloth masks still ok today?” but there’s an awkward silence as neither cop really knows what their job really is anymore. “Just play it by ear, and if we’re wrong, just act confidently wrong.” So as I sailed past two cops, who were obviously relieved it was a non fatal car accident they had been called out to, and not a dreaded “mysterious medical exemption” violation, I found myself just singing. Continue reading “Singing Through the Bombing”
During lockdowns many families are struggling with having their children at home all day every day. I’ve found that I can earn a pretty penny or two helping out with their home learning. It’s often awkward for me to watch children learn maths methods that seem insanely convoluted. When I can solve problems like 19 x 40 in my head faster than a child can type it into a calculator I am reminded that the purpose of school these days isn’t to educate the youth but to sabotage them. Many don’t know their times tables much less the techniques used in speed mathematics to quickly solve large number equations in their head. If I were to teach children these techniques their teachers would have to fail them for insubordination. It’s all about obedience to authority, not learning. O dear… that’s depressing… *sigh* Truth be told… I was feeling down today and I did not sleep well last night
I was up late angry about something, something that seems small now, and I knew last night that after a sleep and the distraction of work, my problem would be quite small by evening today and completely not worth me being angry about. Yet my best efforts at mindfulness and meditation were insufficient and it wasn’t until around 3am that I finally fell asleep. These angry moods bother me purely from the perspective of neuroscience. Long periods of anger cause damage to the cells linking the two hemispheres of the brain – the corpus collosum. Damage to these cells causes permanent changes in personality; the dreaded “grumpy old man” syndrome. Last week, before lockdown 6 started, I was feeling deeply relaxed and at peace. I could meditate to myself, and sometimes I would have this feeling of deep connectedness with the universe as though I was part of something and problems of mortality seemed somehow distant and unimportant. However, since the lockdown my anxiety levels have been elevated and it feels like a lifetime ago that I could relax that much. I don’t even fear the virus anymore, part of me wishes I would just get SARS-CoV-2 so I could either deal with it or die. But this endless delaying of the inevitable is more exhausting. A life lived in fear is a life never lived. Continue reading “The Home Learning Front”
Sorry, to myself, not to you the reader. I’m sorry that I don’t make enough time to journal about my daily experiences when I know it’s relaxing and therapeutic for me in particular to reflect on my experiences. Today wasn’t a particularly special day, except I didn’t have a lot on today. Life in the era of lockdowns is quite unpredictable. Some days I’m frantically going from appointment to appointment and others like today I have a couple of errands to run and the rest of the time to contemplate social media for far too long to be healthy. So I am going to write about a few musings from my day.
Firstly, today really wasn’t busy, I rode my bike for a bit since I don’t have to wear a mask if I am on a bike. The virus knows to leave fit people alone. I had a look around one of the housing commission areas. The attraction was the dystopian communist landscape that is public housing. I try to imagine it looking attractive in an alternative universe but I suspect there is something the size and uniformity of the structures that makes it almost impossible to imagine them as beautiful. My notable observations were an novel design of sewerage vent, evidence of a recent apartment fire, a drunk half naked man having a fight with an invisible assailant, a young woman drinking out of a 4L orange juice bottle that gave me a look as though she would knife me if I stared at her for a moment longer, and a skinny dirty old man reading a rotting paperback on his balcony seemingly enjoying the serenity. Mentally, I tried to figure out what was going through some of these people’s minds, and trying to imagine what public housing would look like if the people living in them owned the apartments instead. Continue reading “The Daily Grind”
I can’t believe it is May already, and I am only now sitting down to write about what has turned into one of the most historic years in global history. Considering how significant these events are, I should write something down for posterity’s sake so that those who live in another part of the great cycle of civilisation and get some insight into the fall that happens when a civilisation becomes too prideful. Like most people on the planet, I have spent the last 6 weeks indoors hiding from the visible death machine known as the CCP coronavirus by those who believe in freedom, as Covid-19 by those who believe in statism and communism, and simply as “the coronavirus” by those who don’t think deeply about politics. However, I live in Australia, and Australia is coming out of lockdown sooner that 98% of countries in the world, and with a lot more optimism that we can go back to living our lives as “normal” again. However, I don’t share this optimism. We got into this situation by being too optimistic, I don’t think more optimism is the solution. But I will no doubt get to that topic later on. For now I need to lay some of the groundwork for the story so far. Continue reading “Journal: Life in the Age of Pestilence”
Anxiety and I are on first name basis. See, I have trouble sleeping, or I used to until I discovered that working lots of hours helps me sleep. So last year I started working 50+ hours a week every week, often working on Sundays too. The result was that I was earning a lot more money, falling to sleep far easier than I had ever been before, and just being productive. However, the anxiety hasn’t gone away as much as I hoped it would. Instead, I’ve been anxious in new ways. Ways I’m only just wrapping me head around now that I can understand how they’ve been altering my thought process. Another problem with working so many hours is that I often feel run down, and writing is an intense intellectual task. It might not put much pressure on the limbs, but the brain consumes a lot of energy writing and the level and quality of prose I’ve been producing has suffered with my increased working hours. So something in my life needs to change. Continue reading “Writer’s Diary: Anxiety Based Decisions”
Well that’s another year finished, time to move onto a new one. I have been working on my New Year’s resolutions for 2019 and my focus this year is on simple small changes that I can do each day. Things like, “update my budget each day”, “clean something up each day”, to “work on my podcast each day”. They’re small things that if done daily will snowball into significant improvements for me overall. I think this is a better strategy than having big plans that require weeks or even months of consistent attention to get done. Sure, I will be working towards goals like that still; but one day at a time.
2018 wasn’t a great year for me. I had two major relationship breakdowns and while they’re both behind me now, it’s a bit hard sometimes not to feel a bit cynical. Especially about members of the opposite sex who appear chameleon like: matching your values and beliefs one day, then a few months later espousing a completely different set of values and beliefs. Thank goodness for IT and screenshots so I can look back and verify that these people are contradicting themselves. Ever experienced that confusion when someone you trust keeps telling you you’re the crazy one? The confusion doesn’t go away until you check the facts and stop trusting them alas. But it’s an interesting phenomenon I wouldn’t mind working into my novels: how some people can have personalities like water; they take the shape of the people they’re surrounded by. Continue reading “Happy New Year, 2019”